A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. Typically narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and may be especially envious of, and threatened by, their child’s growing independence. The result may be what has been termed a pattern of narcissistic attachment, with the child considered to exist solely to fulfill the parent’s wishes and needs. Commonly parents attempt to force their children to treat themselves as though they are their parents’ puppets, or else be subject to punishments such as emotional abuse. Relative to developmental psychology narcissistic parenting will adversely affect children in the areas of reasoning, emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes as they mature. Within the realm of narcissistic parenting, personal boundaries are often disregarded with the goal of molding and manipulating the child to satisfy the parents’ expectations.
Narcissistic people with low self esteem feel the need to control how others regard them, fearing they will be blamed or rejected and personal inadequacies exposed. They are self-absorbed, some to the point of grandiosity; and being preoccupied with protecting their self image, they tend to be inflexible, and lack the empathy necessary for child raising.
When I first began to form a spiritual relationship with my ancestors I began to notice the dysfunction in my own family. Like many spiritualist I began to do healing work on immediate family members such as my daughter, mother, and sisters. I had no idea what type of healing we needed to bring balance in harmony into the family, but I continued to honor the ancestors along with weekly prayers. I went on like this for a little over a year. It was difficult for me to diagnose the issues with my family I just know that it was plagued with addiction, violence, lies and betrayal. There was always tension in the family, as I child of a narcissistic mother on many occasions I tried to point out her dysfunction. It was always met with violence and rage she made it impossible to talk to her about how much stress she was putting on me and my siblings.
On the outside things look normal yet inside the family dynamics there was much tension, we were always walking on eggshells. If mom was not intoxicated going into her fight mode on us she was sober with extreme mood swings that was often met verbal abuse or her bullying rages. I was the oldest child that took on the scapegoat role my younger sisters were more of golden children, however the golden child role would be switch to me when my sisters wasn’t around. Mom had to get her narcissistic supply one way or another she needed admiration and praise from her children to give her a sense of self worth and feed her false ego. It took me more than 40 years to figure out that I was in a narcissistic family.
My story is not so unique many of our ancestors brought narcissistic behavior into their families this caused their entire generational lines to be defective. Our ancestors were enslaved, raped, used, misguided, suicidal, or depressed slavery left a devastating impact on our ancestors. Their living conditions sometimes prompted negative behaviors such as lying, killing, stealing, cheating, or betrayal. Some of our family are consumed with negative genetic patterns. Many people refuse to honor their ancestors because of this fact, unaware by ignoring the issues it only creates problems for future generations. It is the living that have the responsibility of correcting those negative genetic patterns through prayers, offerings, and ritual which in turn helps elevate those ancestors who transitioned during their horrible mental conditions.
The brain is a computer that responds to stimuli and programmed with patterns based on DNA codes. What we experience as past lives are actually a review of the experiences of others in our bloodline or ethnic group. Research indicates our life experiences may be passed onto our children and their children. Survivors of traumatic events reveal exposure to stress can have lasting effects on generations. Many spiritual practitioners insinuate that present issues and difficulties may be influenced by trauma suffered in previous generations of the family, those that are affected could be unaware of the of the original past event that has caused the trauma.
When I began to learn more about the history of our indigenous African ancestors it felt like I was traveling back into time. I could feel the sadness, despair and frustrations experienced by ancestors, yet I didn’t know exactly what to do to take the pain away or heal them. Until I took a closer look at my mother and our entire family this is when I began to piece things together, this would not be possible without the help of my sister, who has recently began to experience some of the defects in her relationship. It was the vital information I needed so I could help heal the genetic patterns within our family.
The road to healing begins with us we must choose to go within ourselves to do the inner work to be released from negative genetic patterns. When we began to heal ourselves we are healing our ancestors we have the same genetic markers which keeps us spiritually and physically linked to one another. We must began to love ourselves unconditionally and forgive those ancestors that were consumed with toxic energy that may have affected the generational bloodline. When we see our children murder, rape, steal, lie or cheat it is almost certain it is a result of negative genetic pattern many call generational curses.
Many of us are children that lived in extreme poverty, so we know exactly how economics can breed negative violent behaviors. I know I can recall numerous peers that grew up in a household just like mine. Most of us have no idea that our families are mentally and spiritually ill I know for sure I didn’t. Many of our religious family members are affected by it the most, echoes of narcissism can be seen in government, religion, or work environments. For me it was like waking up from a 40 year nightmare when I actually discovered the problem. At first I was embarrassed, shame, guilty, and sad, but as I continue to do the inner work it has given me purpose, inspiration and determination. Now I feel inspired to bring awareness to our community, its imperative that future generations are healed.
It is going to take much work to bring this awareness to the masses, the first step is to produce free information such as books, pamphlets or brochures to help educate people in our community. You can read more about my life in a narcissistic family in my free eBook “Life Time Spiritual Journey”, How I Came To Know the Ancestors” or watch the video https://youtu.be/hE9Bu5IDnGIhttps://youtu.be/hE9Bu5IDnGI you are welcome to share it with as many people as possible. We need volunteers to help get the word out this will help us create change in our community. If you are interested in giving a donation you may give at paypal.me/KemAncestry all funds are used for the cost to create pamphlets, brochure, and awareness campaigns that helps educate our local communities. You have the option of purchasing a detail eBook about life with my narcissistic family “Remove Generational Curses,” (Healing From Narcissistic Family) for $4.99 the book includes prayers that help elevate those ancestors who transitioned during their mental illness. To become a volunteer email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
By Penelope Stewart B.Msc.